the serene pain

when was the last time you felt a pain?
your lover ditched you? some one very close did hurt you?lost some one very close?
ah i am really talking bout painful experiences...am sorry didn't mean to remind you of those experiences........

actually last night i was going through my personal journal...it ain't like a diary,i had this habit of marking days when i cried or something wrong happened......and what i found there were quite a few marks. a sudden thought crossed my mind have i been really happy the days i haven't marked.i think i knew the answer.

pain to me is a way of discovering yourself,the way to know one better.its when in pain we realize the worth of the ones near to us close to us,pain is physical and intangible both but yes the feeling is mutual and from the heart.pain is a process of cleansing of the soul to make it pure,to devoid us of things which bother us.

the years 2007,2008,and 2009 they have been very important 2007 the year of questions,2008 the year of seeking,and 2009 the year of answers.strange are the ways of life and its creator,he has his own way of teaching people,and helping them evolve in thought and action.

there was one such night in 2007 it was the 28th of december, the new year was quite near but as if i cared,i was at the peak of my growing pain,arrogance,attitude,aggression,they had become an integral part,life without them seemed so weak,so feeble.so yes i was lying on my bed thinking of verses for my poem 'screams' but i wasn't able too,my friends have stopped talking to me,rather i had not been recieving phones or talking to them throughout the year,therefore naturally the frequency of the calls had decreased,i was thinking of all these things,but couldn't help it,i was in excruciating pain,i just wanted to break free, there was a lot to see through,a lot to justify,a lot to reason,a lot to explain but, no noe was ready to hear,no one was there to understand.


that didn't help me i wanted my voice to be heard,but people were not interested,i don't blame them i have been like that,i didn't like sharing so much,but that was a time i really wanted to talk to someone who would identify with my pain,my feelings,my sorrow.

i don't know what happened that night,i started crying,it wasn't like howling and shouting,it was a silent expressionless cry,the tears rolled down periodically dried down there and started again,that was the day i realized that this pain i am suffering from this agony i am going through,is a healer in itself.hope is a wonderful thing,and pain helps strengthen itt,and it transforms this hope into faith,it gives you the strength to trust, it makes you believe in yourself,it tells you irrespective of how many times you fall you can stand up again and walk the very same road you fell on.

i remember my mother used to tell me "good timber does not grows with ease,the stronger the winds the stronger the trees."

and yes pain helps me believe that tomorrow would be better day,it helps me look at the darkest of night and gives me the strength to say on its face i am not afraid of you, i have seen and suffered more what can you do...for i know that even if the sky is stormy and cloudy the sun will surely rise from the east,and yes i agree it wont't be as bright as ever but it will be illuminating enough to enable me to welcome the new day.


here is a poem dedicated to pain................


oh pain,
you have been the closest i have had,
the one who has seen and felt my heart..
when people never came close to me,
while sympathy scorned me and stayed afar.

when the world seemed to revolve so fast,
and i stood stationed as if motionless,
i thought it would eternally last,
there was neither peace,nor solace.

i shed a thousand tears you know,
which no one wiped away from my cheeks.
sometimes they dried up there,
sometimes they dropped on my feet.

like a foster mother,you took care,
when my existance was in doubt,
you taught me life ain't what we dream,
life is what we live about.

you gave me vision to look around,
when i closed my eyes for the fear of dark,
you gave me strength to walk down,
when i fell knowing i won't stand so fast.

like the blazing fire which purifies a piece of metal,
making it precious and known as gold,
just the way you have been mentoring me,
cleansing me and making me bold.

oh agony,
you have taught me worthy lessons,
i hold you dear,dearer than happiness or joy,
for you give me faith that there will be a day,
when its shine wont be be lost in the dark.............


TILL NEXT TIME
love and light,
only yours
divz,the last page doodler