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Thursday, July 22, 2010


Heyya,long time huh? I thought you people thought I was done,well hate to prove you all wrong but yes I am back.You must know putting thoughts is just so much tough its like bracing a wild mustang running around the meadows of our mind,ups and downs and the falling braces and the rising hooves, its a tiring job......totally exhausting.

I always thought putting up a point by talking is really tough,verbal communication was never my cup of tea but yet i would sip it every time I would see the podium at the school debates...ah I loved the spotlight and the round of claps which would follow and I thought writing would be easy as I prepared my arguments while debating itself it was fun and even better was the round of pinching tone in the words which flew as if arrows from the opposition of two tribes in the jungles of SUMATRA trying to pierce the heart and bring them down....but no I was again proved wrong abstract writing was tough and is tougher than I had expected so I took a vacation I went for hunting topics to write on to brag on to express on and most importantly release my stuck in feelings and to get closer to you all my fellow doodlers, so here I am back on track i just got bigger and better....I mean literally I have put up a lot of weight so that way I am bigger and better or not my posts will tell.

BY THE WAY.......did you guys notice the number of 'I' I have used?? I just came back LOL am really so self obsessed these days.....

love and light
only yours
divz.the last page doodler.

Sunday, July 18, 2010


I was listening to one of my most favorite tracks on my music system Lisa Lynne's home,and it always feels me up with a different peaceful feeling,its just so pure so intense,the soft notes on the harp that subtle melody i think its created to touch hearts and it did.

Anyways its been weeks since I last wrote to you all my fellow doodlers you know its been tough the last few days thoughts have kinda clogged,am kinda stuck in my own memory lane it was that I did not want to write but things would not let me do that,such is life at times things become so tough that you feel like giving up you feel like surrendering to situations like this, but there is something the old men said and like careless teenagers we never heed to when the going gets tough the tough gets going.

So here i am once again after my short breakup with my doodles just need a small break now to regain my composure,hope you all will be here with me helping me to gain what I have lost.

love and light.
only yours,

Friday, July 9, 2010

the sleepless night

the bell is striking its past midnight,
I can hear the rattle of the train on the railway track,
distant yet clear,
the dogs bark at intervals on the streets,
while I switch on and switch off the bed lamp,
the curtains move occasionally,
as the silent gust of air enters the room tiptoed ,
and gets lost in the four walls all mixed up ,
with the air from the ceiling fan.
there are picture frames on the wall,
glimpses from the different walks of life
what remains is only the fond memories,
the rooms the hallway all lie empty with materials of luxury,
none speaks,none conveys,just satisfies insatiable human needs
I keep lying on my bed,switching on and switching off the bed lamp.
sleep is far from the eyes,
they don't yet want to welcome it,
they are tired all puffed up.......
but there is something which is holding them to fall asleep
and get lost in the world of illusions,dreams woven by delicate thoughts,
mesmerizing thoughts,soft fluffy,fragile as if bubbles,
one touch and its gone as if it was never here.
the heart is lost in thoughts of its own,its pain,
its griveances,its own personal concerns.
while the mind is all tired,helpless it wants to rest,
but the eyes they will not let it rest,
they seems to have a mind of their own tonight,
thoughts and moments are fluttering as if pages from a coffee table book
pictures of mellow and giddy moments appear on the ceiling,
while the gaze is fixed and i lie
motionless on the bed switching on and switching off the bed lamp.
there is deafening silence all around
i feel as if I am dead,
the heart detached,the mind numb,the eyes stagnant.
the view slowly gets hazed
as if someone putting soil on my coffin
and thus disconnecting me from the world
all moments,all memories slowly getting erased.
though their is a desire to take them all with me,
my eyes are becoming heavy now,
I can feel the tears which rolled down the cheeks,
they are warm
am still lying on the bed switching on and switching off the bed lamp.............

love and light.
only yours
divz, the last page doodler.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

the boy in the park

i sat in the park,
thinking stuffs,
making castles in the air decorating them,
innovating the interiors and then leaving them incomplete.
the past,the future,the present
all of them one by one,
carefully analyzing them,
scrutinizing them,
one detail after another.
debating within giving reasons after reasons,
countering them with facts,
ignoring my mistakes my faults,
with the help of my pride,
vanquishing those to be repented
solemnly thinking about the history of my life
and lost in the illusions of the future.

my eyes meet a boy,
young,energetic,in rags and shreds
but yet utterly beautiful.
that sublime smile on his face,
even defying the charm of a full moon,
as if talking in itself,
singing songs of joy,
humming of everlasting happiness,
jumping and playing round as if nothing in the world really mattered,
periodically ran to the woman
sitting at the entrance,
selling boiled eggs and bread.

the boy didn't seem to worry,
he played and ran till he could last,
he fell at times,stood,ran and raced with his mates
some times winning
even at times ending last.

such is life the boy taught me,
to act,to play and to even fall
its the present we have to live in as
the tomorrow is yet to come,
gone are the the yesterdays of the past.

love and light.
only yours,
divz,the last page doodles.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

the story of a not so common dog

heyya,have been writing this since the last two days,just couldn't yet write it well though,but still i have tried giving my here i am telling you about an dog with an superb personality,the story of a not so common dog.

kittu,he was born on the 15th of october in 2007 along with 6 of the other brothers and sisters.he was a lovely dog who walked in my life and changed the world around me.he has always been very lively very naughty,i still remember when i first brought him home he started barking at literally everything,the music player,the t.v. and even at the big cardboard boxes.

he grew up quite slow,i never wanted him to grow up,he looked even cuter when he was small,now he looks like a matured person looking at you in intervals as if telling you, you are supposed to do this now what are you doing here.he has been one responsible dog throughout his life,and i bet he has been the only dog to suffer so much of pain when he was just two months three weeks and 5 days old. i really don't have any idea how many dogs survive two operations in their hind legs when they are at that stage with numerous injections and medicines and the painful x-rays,that too cause of a mess created by me.

i don't know why i placed him on that tank that day,and why did he jump,that one jump has tarred me with guilt for the rest of my life.had it been some human instead of him as soon he would have got well would have harassed me,abused me,hit me or do something like that,but it was him this tiny little dog who fought for his survival with that excruciating pain taught me the most valuable lesson of my life,"to err is to human to forgive is to divine." as a result of that mistake of mine he still has problem walking with one of his hind legs but still there is no remorse in him against me no complain no accusation he still looks at me as if i mean the world to him.

i remember crying night after night praying to god,to get him well and still when he would see those tears he would try to stand up and come to me and wipe my tears off by licking them off my cheeks.

i left kolkata fo two years and went for my class matriculation studies and i took him with me to kanpur,i have been to places so many of them and i have always taken him along with me. i remember an incident when i took him along with me for a family vacation in madhya pradesh and he was there along side and we were taking an evening walk down the hill, when some wild dogs surrounded us, and they would just not let him or me go they surrounded him and growled and it seemed as if they would tear us apart but still he stayed there in between both my legs and growled as if he was ready to give a fight,i gathered strength and i hit the dogs with a stick but they just wont let us go,one of them bit my hands off but none could even touch him,he was there all the time there he could have run off but no he was there, all the time even when i had let go of the chain until a good soul passed by and helped us get rid of the dogs.

i just wish he could speak then we would have more of a two way communication rather than the periodic wagging of tails and the kisses. according to me if one wants to feel pampered wants to feel loved and wants to feel special he must get a dog.

love you kittu until i take my last breathe...

when i first saw you,
you were feeding on your mother's milk,
your small physique
your brown eyes,
shining in that furry black coat of yours
the little patch of white
as if the formation of a T
below your neck......
and then the way you ran towards the lawn
like a drunken man running and falling
i was utterly lost in your playful grace
while you ran around the lawn as if in a relay race.

i took you in my hand,
and yo made a growl,
i could feel your tiny heart beat,
while i held you in my palms.
i sat in the car i brought you home,
you explored the whole house,
below the bed,the kitchen,under the computer
as if it was a big world unknown.

i fed you with a spoon,
you were nothing more than three weeks old
a miniature black bear,
with a button like nose.
you ran after the cockroaches,
created chaos for those sweets,
i loved it when i woke up
you would come running on the bed
and lick my cheeks.

pa used to come home,
with vanilla ice creams
for you,
and you would keep looking at the scoops
until he would sit and feed you on the ground on the ground.
you would almost sit into my plate,
and drink water from my glass
and i would happily share it with you,
and then lie down together in the park.

you have grown with me year after year,
we both have become from boys to men,
i know how much i have troubled you,
how many times i have caused you pain.

i remember the day i first hit you,
and then i sat and started to cry,
and still you would come to me
and lick the tears of my eyes.

it was years before you walked in my life
when i was sad,cruel and miserable.
i had lost someone very dear to me
some one to whom i was most lovable.

but you walked in with your puffy paws
and change me from what i was
made me affectionate,made me love you
while you loved me with all your heart.
i never know what good deeds i had done
to get someone like you in my life
more than a friend you had been like a companion,
you have been the best
happened to me in life.

i hope to love you always the same,
and return every bit of love you have given me,
i want to thank you for the kisses and for the wisdom,
you have taught me
that love really has no end.

love and light.
only yours,
divz,the last page dooodler.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

dying humanity

i think its only me who is so confused with life,its ways and other things,i think its just reading too much of philosophy which has taken toll,it is tough to live with principles and it is even tougher to live on the expectation of the people,they expect you to be honest on the first place and secondly they don't want the truth to hurt them too,and its even stranger that when they do the same thing they don't expect us to be hurt nor to be bothered by it,i don't know of my other traits,but yes ignorance hurts me big time.

at times i think either i see life the way i shouldn't or there is something seriously wrong with people's attitude these days,now since people itself denotes majority therefore being in a democratic system its good to take the blame upon yourself if you are in the minority than opposing it because there are very few ears trying to listen,hence i think i don't know the way the life should really be led.

its difficult for an obstinate being like me to adapt,i am sorry people but i really can't it is not in my mechanism,its foreign for me,for i have not led a life where i can put up a mask,am not ambiguous,am not polite,am downright straight,downright difficult,i know its hard for people to accept someone who cannot be easily manipulated,its tough for them to accept the hard truth coming in harsh words but isn't that what truth supposed to do? then why when the people hear it react as if its an attempt to malign them them? why can't they accept what is wrong?

today humanity is nothing but a frail veil,a yashmak on the satanic mindset of their own to hide it from the world,all have put up a mask a second face,when meeting influential people its a different one,when meeting family its another one,when being amongst friends its again the man ever being true?does he ever listens to his conscious or has he been so ignorant that his own conscious has turn dumb and mute?

we have become materialistic leeches always concerned always bothered about the physical needs of life in such conditions where is humanity,its long dead.

it was dark and an empty road,
with forest patches on its side,
marked with product publicity boards and vinyls,
at times a car or two passed by,
with loud music and monstrous speed,
shameful giggles,ravish activities and women,
leaving silence and a distant trail of their backlight.

i was walking alone,
not homeward bound,
i thought of leaving what was called home,
all i found was selfish people around
manipulative relations and masked clones.
ambiguousness and infamy ran in their veins
treachery and betrayal in their eyes,
their life a sick excuse standing on a pile of lies.

while i strolled i saw a woman,
she looked wretched and in situations dire,
as if abused and oppressed,
beaten when she expressed her desire,
once she was beautiful one could say,
for her charm was visible even in her pain.
i approached her and asked her name.

"my name you want to know?" she asked.
with an ironical smile on her face,
the pain evident but the sarcasm more,
she said "i am the one maligned by your race."
"you people sell your dignity,
trade your principles for pleasure
dirty devilish scoundrels you all are,
causing pain at your leisure."

her voice choked she couldn't speak
and tears rolled down her eyes
the rage on her face evident,
agony in her sunken eyes.
i asked "tell me where you belong
what is your name who is your family?"
she replied "the one to whom i belong
has himself deserted me"
in a shaky voice she answered and silenced forever
she told her name was humanity.

love and light.
only yours,
divz,the last page doodler.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

wish life was like writing a poem

i don't know how many lines i have written and deleted before writing this,its hard to concentrate when you wake up in the morning with a heavy head thinking what went wrong,too many things are going on right now in my life,or i can say keeping my nature in mind the things or the changes are just too fast paced.i cant help it but sit and observe after all thats what i can do best,observe and try to flow with the flow.

i have been a very complex human being,i am not sure about my needs and priorities,i really don't know if i need to choose or not choose at all,i don't know if its just me or it is the same with everybody else,life is just too complicated for a slow paced human like me,i realize am too obstinate for anybody,am downright difficult, i don't know if it is good or bad,but i can't help it,i have been like this for years.

this life hurts me,it is nothing like i am suffering or in some kind of crisis,nothing as such i have a the most wonderful father in the whole world and a lovely brother and even more than adorable dog who loves me be it anything,am well fed well groomed and have everything a teenager needs but still things take toll over me.

i don't have any control of what i do,what i want to do and what i will do,at times i just feel like going to some far off place where nobody knows me,rather there be no human,no one to talk to i just want to sit and reflect by some water body,watch the currents of the water,see the skies reflection in it,see the sun setting in it, see my reflection in the water,write sentences on the wet soil and then erase it.

i wish life was like writing a poem
arranging phrases,
rhyming lines
carefully placing them
one after another.
striking of lines and writing them again
substituting it with proper words,
reading it again
thinking and brooding
over the lines replacing gain with pain.
wish life was a sonnet or a ballad
maybe even an ode close to the heart.

but life was never meant to be
so blissful nothing like the the poets dream,
life is a river it keeps flowing
with pain,joy ,happiness fear,laughter and cries
coming and going like the river's stream.

love and light.
only your,
divz,the last page doodler.