the angel within.......

hey,i was busy doodling once again,and then i suddenly thought of jotting another thought which has just struck my mind.i don't know how many of you believe in angels..bu i surely do.angel or seraph or a heavenly messenger,thats what you read in books, a fairy with a wand in hands,coming to grant all our childhood dreams,and as that very child begins to grow up, he discards a santa claus,he laughs on hearing about a tooth fairy,and i was no different,such is life,when you are a child when you are innocent the world seems so beautiful,so mystical, as if the castle of the high king who fought the dragon for 18 days and night,when the sun was taken captive......childish thoughts aren't they??? you have to excuse me,my poetic nature kinda takes me on a high.

so where was i? ah yes..angels,when we grow up we say there is nothing like angels these are all myths all faux,not even a bit of truth into it.but if you ask me i say there is one for all of us.our own personal angel,the only difference is it is sleeping,covering itself in its feathers deep down somewhere in our heart,you need to awaken it,summon it for its needed.and no joking i summoned mine and it changed my life.

it was the december of 2007,kolkata is generally never that cold, but it was not the same story that day, i had put on the room heater and was sitting near it looking for some warmth,and was going through a brainstorm.i had hurt pa once again,i didn't mean to but i couldn't help it,ma's demise had brought this sudden change in me i became a heartless,ruthless,unsymapathetic man.i would like to confess i have always loved pa more than ma,but after her loss i kinda became somewhat distant with pa,though never meant it purposely,honestly.

i wasnt feeling too good,he had told me if i continue the same way he would send me to a boarding.i was feeling very angry,anger had become my shield to hide my weakness those days,whenever i felt vulnerable i became angry,and it kept people at a distance,something i wanted to happen,but that didn't include pa but,what you try becomes a habit,and habit is just it dosen't practices biasness.

i couldn't control my emotions.i broke up,i started crying,it was two years since i last cried,and that washed away all the remorse.i realised how wrong i was,i realised how callous i had become.

i called up pa that very moment asking him to come home and asking for forgiveness.he cried on the other side of the phone saying son its alright.it was when my angel awoke,granting me peace and solace making me a better human.

these angels or as i call them P.A.(personal angels)are what we all need today,when we have ego,self respect,differences cropping up amongst
friends,relatives,colleagues.all we need to do is take a time out with our angels,talk to them about your day,about the relations you hold precious,about the friends you treasure,about the smiles you care.confess to it,hold on to it and i bet it will show you the light of the day.


here is a poem i wrote that night..........


it was dark and damp all around
seemed nothing like anymore home to me..
a cave a dungeon of the beastly despair,
feasting on my hope and not let me be.

i knew i ain't no gladiator,
i had no relation with heroic deeds..
all i needed was a saviour,
a saviour in times of my need.

i screamed and shouted to call for help,
but no one could hear the echoing shout,
the sound would return and remind me,
there is no one,no god, no nazarene around

i knew of nothing and was aghast
no escape route,no miracle to pull me out,
i took the moment to laugh a sarcastic laugh
as i could hear godmen preaching god and his whereabouts...

the night darkened,the fear roused
i sat grappled in miserable chains,
there was no hope no joy around
nor any cure for my growing pain.

i could do nothing so i sat down to cry,
for crying relieved the heart i had,
a clamorous cry like never before,
sobbing while my knees sheltered my head.

to my surprise i saw a while light
a beacon of purity,peace and solace,
it wasn't distant but within me,
glowing as if it herad my silent prayer.

i was preplexed for what it was?
the sign of death or an illusion
moment of pain and agony walked past me,
as if they were never in the region.

i gathered strength and questioned the light..
i saw her spreading and fluttering white wings
in white robes with a silent smile
she said "i am your angel within."


i hope to keep writing for it really gives me peace.
until next time,love and light.
divz,the last page doodler.