rain

heyya friends, its the season of monsoon here in kolkata,the season of rain,,the season of making paper boats,and sail them through the water logged streets,its the season of the hot beverages enjoyed while we are half wet,its the season of running for a shelter on the streets ......its a season of joy,laughter and merry making.........


rain,its just a scientific phenomenon isn't it?thats what all my friends who are a bit logical think but,i find it speaking,humming,growling to us,talking like a looney bird,talking about its tiring travels,talking of the vast oceans it travelled through,singing of the ever old mountains,to me rain is the way the nature communicates and share its pain its joy its feelings to us..........



come down
o heavenly drizzle,
come down and mizzle,
sprinkle your kindness on the nature
quench its thirst,
for it has been bruised
by the scorching heat
and the cruel sun.

shower
like you have never before,
overwhelm the thoughts,
mesmerize the mind,
fill in with the smell of the wet soil,
which works in me like music,
forcing me to dance,
dance to your beats,
move to your pour.

don't deluge cats and dogs this year,
rain as if to caress and love,
enthrall with your sheer presence,
lavish on my face,
wash away all the tears,
all the pain.
cleanse my soul
purify my heart,
heal me of the ailments
feel me up with the divine grace
torrent as if to tear misery part.

pelt down as hail,
to answer those
who malign the natures power
and proudly abuse its existence
torrent on them
and show them your power
your sheer strength
your mighty existence.......

stream for the peasants,
who wait for you,
worship and offer their trivial belongings,
rain for them to bless them your majestic drops
worth a pearl when dropped in the ocean.
moist their soils,
and their satiable thirst,
help them to bear valued crops
to burn the hearth
of those in need.

rain down o rain
to celebrate divinity
pour down to make us feel your essence.
rain down to bliss humanity,
make us feel your presence.
rain down o rain rain down o rain....................

TILL NEXT TIME
love and light.
only yours,
divz,the last page doodler.

lets strive towards a cleaner and greener earth

hey fellow bloggers,i hope you all have been doing good.i have been kinda fooling around,after all am a escapist just need a escape rope to run away from sorrow,from pain from tax bills and expenses.ohkay cut the tax bills and expenses my father is there to take care of it,i still fall in the dependent list in the census this year.

now back to the doodles,yes well in order to get some food for thought i went to the nearby park,after all transforming doodles ain't easy.the very first thing which crossed my mind was the filth all around, was it supposed to be that way,no not like this.

we have become somewhat careless,towards the nature,we are discussing the plight of the 1411 left tigers,we are talking bout the ganga action plan,but do we feel enough in our hearts?? have we ever called up the local animal shelter to pick up a stray from the road rather do we know if a local animal shelter exists?

thinking and criticizing the government is really easy,and blaming it upon others is even easier,but aren't we equally responsible aren't we accountable for what is happening around us,when we can cut down a forest strip to build houses then we can even plant trees,and cutting requires more hands than planting.

taking a stand is all we need to do,get together,talk about it on social networks,on website,provide links,support causes,join marches,do peace protests,take up initiatives to clean up the environment,its we who can bring a change,all we need to do is believe in ourselves and take a stand.

you people can post me for any such initiatives,and i wont fall back from supporting such cause,i will do my best to promote and help personally for the betterment of our mother earth.

here are a few lines dedicated to her.........

i strolled down the park in search of some air,
and all i got was pungent obnoxious smells;
litters and plastics thrown all over-
while the dustbins lay bare.

the trees lined along the streets
in the name of greenery and environment;
a deep coat of dirt spread over them,
while they pray mercy in silence.

i don't see birds nor the squirrels around,
as if the tree is a barren womb,
it looks like a harlot for human needs,
abused for her use and then fell down.

is rape a crime?
then we all are rapists
for we smear and malign the earth's chastity belts
its incest,but as if we care
after all we need to produce more,
to offer for production and for sale.

it is easy to cover the nose and walk,
or just turn the face around
even easier to blame the government
while we keep dumping wastes all around.

try to hear when the nature sings,
hear the songs of the birds around,
they plead and pray for mercy and care
for they are feeble and and not so sound.


when will we take a stand?
when even crows will become extinct?
or even better when trees wont be there,
not enough to suffise our growing needs.


lord had vested some power in us,
not to be dictators but to be mutual beings,
symbiosis is the law of nature,
the reason for us to exist.


when nature gives us everything,
food water and even shelter
cant we be a bit kind to it.
is there nothing we could do to help her?


TILL NEXT TIME
love and light
only yours,
divz,the last page doodler.

happy father's day.

today is really an awesome day,the day which is worth more than anything in my life,worth more than any achievement of my life,today is the 20th of june though nothing special in the calender,but its very special for me,its father's day.

father,the word is very precious to me,very close to my heart.i have literally seen the world through his eyes,learnt through his experiences,lived through his dreams.i don't no if i am worth him, for he is one selfless being sacrificing his health,his needs and priorities for two of his children...well actually three include my dog too.


i think it is time i must introduce my father to you,keeping his name anonymous,i would like to talk about his life,his childhood,his struggles,his achievements everything i know about so far......

my father was the youngest in his family,born after three sons six daughters and 8 miscarriages to my grandmother,to one of the most respected and prosperous families of north kolkata,i don't know if god has scripted his fate with some good intentions in mind,when he was 9 his father died,it was the beginning of the end for what is called family to him,he went to st. thomas for his schooling,and after his father died he continued going to that fancy school.

after grandfather died,my father's elder brother he had some intentions in his mind,wealth and respect don't come easy and very seldom they come together,at times you have to choose between them,and his brother thought of staking respect and his responsibilities for the sake of wealth,few years after his fathers death,he thought of outcasting the family,and it didn't pain him to do that,he threw out his mother his brothers his sisters all from the home.

it was the end of dreams for my father,he was made to see harsh reality,to face it to be beaten and bruised by fate,ready to see the world.

he continued schooling to the same school with the help of some help by one of his friend's father,but only outcasting was not in the mind of the elder brother,he planned to get him removed from his path,he was so blind in the lust for wealth that he thought that when he will grow up he might want a share so he sent people to beat him up.three men mercilessly beat my father with rods and bamboo sticks and threw him in a ditch,he lay there for nearly two days,he didn't knew of the family he didn't knew of anything else.

his education of alphabets was over,now began his education of the treachery of the hardships of life began,he worked as a bearing washer the city,and i have no shame in sharing this with you guys because m proud my father as he is a self made man,my cinderella man.

he earned some money went to allahabad if you are aware there is this company named TCS there,he worked at an daily wage of rs. 5 there and there he completed his elementary education in the night school,meant for the workers there,think of a 15 year old boy with no house to stay on,no one known to depend on he lived he survived he met challenges,he earned whatever he could and earned enough to open up a wool business on the streets of varanasi, varanasi so far i know has been the place he cherishes the most,he made friends here,he learnt to see dreams again.

the wool business served profitable and he had saved enough to start on a bike shop,where he would bring old bikes repair them,and sell them at a profit,years passed on he became 20,the family still served to be a place whose attachment lingered on in his memories,and this desire took him back where he belonged,he sold the shop for some 1 lakh rupees and came back home to kolkata.


he saw the family,he saw the elder brother,found his mother at the family temple,saw that life in kolkata was prosperous for all.the mother wanted to give him a share of the assets,a share of the property,but my father i am proud to say wasnt money hungry,he said give it to the elder brother for he has no son i will serve him as his son and be with him till his death.

were those of tears of repentance on the part of the elder brother or was it more hunger for money time would tell,father used his business skills to put up a business of construction materials and the bamboo card wagons common in burrabaazar area of kolkata,the business prospered it was the time of his life,he was soaring high touching the skies,doing good and was married to a beautiful lady,life served him what he deserved he was living a dream in the meantime his first child was born,thats me.what else does man wants a family,a good business a happy life,you know sometimes even gods are envious of man's prosperity and peace.when the elder brother saw the prospering business he thought that my father has started taking control some day even he will outcast him,he made a decision he took everything my father had,and threw him out of the house again,my father came out with no money,no clothes a one year child and a pregnant wife very soon to bore him his second son.


so far i remember myself where i grew up was nothing like kolkata neither i knew we belong to kolkata,all i saw was a village where seldom a car would come and i would be so happy to see it for never in my life i saw a car,i would see the fruits and tell father to buy me one,and he would tell me its rotten and today i realize how rotten they were,my father with the help of a government grant had started a aluminium utensils factory in raunapaar in uttar pradesh,don't try googling it,will be a .5 dot on the map.i studied in a primary school where i would sit on the ground,the teachers would come and we would talk in sanskrit,my fee was somewaht 15 ruppes and the admission fee was 60 rupees so far i remember.

my father had treasures of self esteem,hard work and contentment he never got carried away,i never know why didn't he take legal actions against his brother,and to my surprise i was never ever told about what have this man done to our family till he was alive i got to know this after the elder brother died,rather i was told that whenever i must see the elder brother i must go and touch his feet and give him a kiss on the cheek for it was customary.the elder brother used to call me diddu,thats the only thing i have got from him in my life so far.


the elder brother played foul again and father left the aluminium factory he had never given money any importance he always said whatever my brother wanted i have given him,he has not forced me to give these things to him,nor have i thought of not giving.

we moved to a rented house,a bit far away my bus fare used to be 50 paise sometimes the conductors were even kind enough to not take it.i had spent tough days with my father and i cherish them as fond memories,i remember this night clearly when we did not have any vegetables to cook at home the whole family sat down to eat chapati with salt,i and father smiled he never made me feel if something was wrong he had this awesome smile,though he never smiles too often,but it was magnetic it was charming.


my mother,though i didn't talk too much bout her here,because i didnt wanted her to overshadow pa's life his moments.now she played a major role here,she forced him to go back to kolkata again,he never thought of coming back,but ma forced him to....


it was a yet new beginning,for me and for pa,you might be wondering where did the other child go,well he didn't even knew in his childhood that pa was his father and ma his mother.he used to call ma sister and pa brother in law.he was brought up at my maternal grand parents home.


kolkata has always been merciful,personally i love the place more than anything else,it gave my father a base to stand again from a employed 7000 rupees employee he was there making thousands,all because he always trusted himself always have been honest and truthful.


he lost his mother in 2003 and again he was not hesitant in giving up some crucial business hours to take care of the family temple which was there since 1892,he lost his wife in 2005,the woman who has been a guide,a friend and the closest relative to bank upon had left him,making him miserable and helpless.

after mother's demise i have seen a completely changed him,he talks less,smiles less, always broody always thinking something,the only thing which make him relax are my dog and jagjit singh ghazals,thats it. though he always loved driving but these days he has stopped doing much of that too.


i could go on talking about him,his struggle his achievements but not this way,very soon you will read about him and others i promise that...

my father has been a common man throughout his life who always had uncommon abilities,and i haven't done enough to make him realize how much i love him,i just want to tell him i love him so much but i am too grown up now,but still i don't miss the occasional pecks.

i just wish that he stays safe and healthy forever,for he means the world to me,and even as i write this he would be somewhere in the market buying kiwi,cherry and grapefruits for me,he knows i love them.


i don't want to put up a poem today so my apologies.....

TILL NEXT TIME
love and light
only yours
divz,the last page doodler.

love just walked away

hey, i have been doodling cupids off late,a lot of cupids but not the ones we usually draw.i am in a mess,a complete mess these days,i don't know what am i doing,but i guess it is right.

there was this girl,we are wonderful superbuddies,we have a world of our own,and yes i was in love with her,but i don't feel the same anymore, i don't know why i don't feel the affection the care.she was the one with whom i shared the most,but now i don't feel like talking to her part cause of the way she has been with me,partly its my nature.i don't think if i am ready. i don't know but this is happening for the first time,i want to talk to her but i really cant,something has taken toll and i don't know what next........

i guess freddie mercury was right when he wrote the song too much love will kill you,
anyways hope god will show a way,here is my newest poem for you guys........




....love just walked away....

the song has been playing for a while now,
the rain has stopped,
but it has left wet patches on the road,
i can see through the window but the look is hazed,
i realize i have tears in my eyes
i am feeling tired and trying to sleep,
but the gaze is still fixed on the other side of the road,

memories flash in like a raving tide,
taking me in and pulling me away,
i don't want to resist the flow,
but i fear of drowning,
i can swim out of oceans,
but will drown in your memory lake.

lot of complains you had back then,
i am selfish i cant see your pain,
i love my music more than you,
i only have time for my dog and am lost in books,
i am heartless,obstinate and what not,
cruel in intentions and wearing an ambiguous mask.


accuse me, allege me,but even you knew in your heart
it was not meant to be,
it was not meant to last.
i guess it was over,even before we thought,
and it is only the impressions that seem to last.

time has passed on,since that happened,
i don't judge myself on it,
nor i feel the pain.
its just that when i read a book,or hear the music play,
i realize we were doing good until love just walked away...............

UNTIL NEXT TIME
love and light
only yours
divz,the last page doodler.

love will find a way

doodles,have spoken again this time not in sentences but in rhymes, i call it

love will find a way..............

when the first time i kissed you,
lip to lip
soul to soul,
the emotions melt,
you never knew how i felt,
but you smiled and said i love you.

for you they were just some words
but they meant the whole world to me,
there was no one i thought about,
for i knew you were mine and i were thee.

every time i saw you,
i thought i wanted to live long,
your face as the only thing to see
and your voice the only sound.

the way you played with my hairs,
tempted me to take you in my arms,
to kiss and peck and fondle with you,
to make up with you when no one was around.

do you remember the day?
when we lost each other in the subway crowd..
don't ask me baby how i felt,
everything around seemed to drown,
i panicked like i had never before,
tears hurried onto my cheeks,
i desperately looked for you
with watery eyes and trembling knees.

then there was this day,
when we walked down the street,
you saw this guy,
who looked as if he was a greek god,
you chirped around,as if a lost treasure found
while you left my hand to grab him hard.

did you ever see the trust i had??
when you would say i love you too.
i knew you were not being honest,
for your eyes spoke more than you.

though it did pain my heart,
but i was relieved when you said he is just a friend,
and then suddenly one day you said he and i are dating again....

dating again??
what did it mean..i was preplexed i fumbled for words,
and you said as if nothing has happened
he is my childhood crush.


where was the trust,where was the love,
where was the faith every hope i had was lost??
the kiss,the moments,floated about and disappeared
like a tree in the winter frost.

now you are gone,
love has left,
but still there is hope,
there will be day when you will come,
and tears would mend the broken hearts.

UNTIL NEXT TIME,
love and light,
only yours,
divz,the last page doodler.

the serene pain

when was the last time you felt a pain?
your lover ditched you? some one very close did hurt you?lost some one very close?
ah i am really talking bout painful experiences...am sorry didn't mean to remind you of those experiences........

actually last night i was going through my personal journal...it ain't like a diary,i had this habit of marking days when i cried or something wrong happened......and what i found there were quite a few marks. a sudden thought crossed my mind have i been really happy the days i haven't marked.i think i knew the answer.

pain to me is a way of discovering yourself,the way to know one better.its when in pain we realize the worth of the ones near to us close to us,pain is physical and intangible both but yes the feeling is mutual and from the heart.pain is a process of cleansing of the soul to make it pure,to devoid us of things which bother us.

the years 2007,2008,and 2009 they have been very important 2007 the year of questions,2008 the year of seeking,and 2009 the year of answers.strange are the ways of life and its creator,he has his own way of teaching people,and helping them evolve in thought and action.

there was one such night in 2007 it was the 28th of december, the new year was quite near but as if i cared,i was at the peak of my growing pain,arrogance,attitude,aggression,they had become an integral part,life without them seemed so weak,so feeble.so yes i was lying on my bed thinking of verses for my poem 'screams' but i wasn't able too,my friends have stopped talking to me,rather i had not been recieving phones or talking to them throughout the year,therefore naturally the frequency of the calls had decreased,i was thinking of all these things,but couldn't help it,i was in excruciating pain,i just wanted to break free, there was a lot to see through,a lot to justify,a lot to reason,a lot to explain but, no noe was ready to hear,no one was there to understand.


that didn't help me i wanted my voice to be heard,but people were not interested,i don't blame them i have been like that,i didn't like sharing so much,but that was a time i really wanted to talk to someone who would identify with my pain,my feelings,my sorrow.

i don't know what happened that night,i started crying,it wasn't like howling and shouting,it was a silent expressionless cry,the tears rolled down periodically dried down there and started again,that was the day i realized that this pain i am suffering from this agony i am going through,is a healer in itself.hope is a wonderful thing,and pain helps strengthen itt,and it transforms this hope into faith,it gives you the strength to trust, it makes you believe in yourself,it tells you irrespective of how many times you fall you can stand up again and walk the very same road you fell on.

i remember my mother used to tell me "good timber does not grows with ease,the stronger the winds the stronger the trees."

and yes pain helps me believe that tomorrow would be better day,it helps me look at the darkest of night and gives me the strength to say on its face i am not afraid of you, i have seen and suffered more what can you do...for i know that even if the sky is stormy and cloudy the sun will surely rise from the east,and yes i agree it wont't be as bright as ever but it will be illuminating enough to enable me to welcome the new day.


here is a poem dedicated to pain................


oh pain,
you have been the closest i have had,
the one who has seen and felt my heart..
when people never came close to me,
while sympathy scorned me and stayed afar.

when the world seemed to revolve so fast,
and i stood stationed as if motionless,
i thought it would eternally last,
there was neither peace,nor solace.

i shed a thousand tears you know,
which no one wiped away from my cheeks.
sometimes they dried up there,
sometimes they dropped on my feet.

like a foster mother,you took care,
when my existance was in doubt,
you taught me life ain't what we dream,
life is what we live about.

you gave me vision to look around,
when i closed my eyes for the fear of dark,
you gave me strength to walk down,
when i fell knowing i won't stand so fast.

like the blazing fire which purifies a piece of metal,
making it precious and known as gold,
just the way you have been mentoring me,
cleansing me and making me bold.

oh agony,
you have taught me worthy lessons,
i hold you dear,dearer than happiness or joy,
for you give me faith that there will be a day,
when its shine wont be be lost in the dark.............


TILL NEXT TIME
love and light,
only yours
divz,the last page doodler

my first crush....

hey friends, i know my transformed doodles are dark,but what to do such is life a shades of dark and light.

but today i am in a great mood to talk about something special, love...yes don't raise brows it is me and yes i am writing on love. love ain't the feeling great,and if its your first love its even better.i know most of you would be smiling while reading it,thinking of your first crush,when you looked at each other thinking the other wont't notice and the sudden meet of eyes,a shy smile cracking up on the cheeks.the sudden increase in listening to ELTON JOHN'S
love songs,that sudden increasing phone bill,that smiling for no reason.........ah mesmerizing thoughts aren't they??

yeah love is always this great.i don't know why but i don't think if i really know what is love,neither do i think anyone else does.....its difficult to be put into words ain't it?? after all its such an abstract feeling.

i think i have my moments of love or might be crush because i really ain't sure bout love,there was this girl, i don't intend to name her here.....but yeah lets give her a name say summer....ok here was this gal summer,i don't know but she was just so attractive,i was completely drawn towards her,it was in standard 5th i first saw her,
she had this looks of a deer fawn,cute charming and simply beautiful thats how gals are meant to be at that age,i was just so mad about her,it was a complete stupidity on my part but i couldn't stop thinking bout her,

time passed on we became great friends,love was in the air,and everywhere around.......i would rush back home and give her a phone call asking her about assignments and homeworks,though i would have it all written....i don,t know why but i thought winking was a part of expressing love so i would wink at her in between classes and she would blush and give me a smile,simply enchanting.

i wouldn't take out my pencil from the bag and ask it from her,and then she would give it without any hesitation i would peck on her cheeks saying thank you you saved me.time passed on.....we grew up, some things aren't meant the way they should be,we moved on.

i don't know how many times i have smiled writing this for you guys,but still that was the most wonderful time of my life.i know many of us have our first crushes and stuff,sometimes they don't work out well,so what that ain't no big deal life throws in this moments expectedly so that we could live them and treasure them throughout our life,there is no point thinking why you broke up, or what were the reasons,just think of the wonderful times you have spent with those people,think how they brought smile on your faces,and when their thoughts seem to make you weak,take a deep breath and say it ain't that i don't need you..but i am doing well otherwise......cheerio


and yes P.S. the writer is a complete novice in love and its whereabouts so no cross questioning please.enjoy this poem of mine dedicated to all our first loves,crushes,and anyone who made us smile.



you changed my doodles from dark to bright,
you made me laugh at the silliest things,
the elusiveness of your eyes,
changed the very reason of my being.

the world revolved but i stood,
while your thoughts kept crossing my mind..
you took me captive i don't know how,
but this was sure to last for some time.

i always thought of asking you-
do you see the mirror some time..
you would smile and chuckle and pull my cheeks,
that touch,oh girl struck symphony so fine.

and that evening i well remember,
the rain,you and your untied hair,
your crimson lips your warm breath..
i wish time had stood still there.

i knew an illusion i was living,
but i cherished every moment i had,
what happened was destined to be......
but it was absolutely fair.

we reached down a two way road,
were never meant to walk the same,
i just hoped i could hug you one last time,
and kiss you like i never had.

i don't know if that was love or not,
or a craze,a crush,or a pre-occupation,
before you came i was dead,
you gave me an incarnation.

baby,love is something i would never understand,
for i ain't really made for this..
i hope you do well in your walk of life,
and if you can forgive me,please.


TILL NEXT TIME
love and light...
only yours,
divz, the last page doodler